Recently I was reminded about a situation with one of my daycare children I cared for several years ago. I think there's a message to be gleaned from it that I needed to remember...
A little girl in my daycare was a very challenging two-year-old. Not that all two-year-olds are not challenging, but this little one was a heavyweight champion of challenging!!! I never felt that we "clicked," from the time we met when she was 6 months old. Of course I try to bond with every child who comes through my door as best I can. After all these years, I have a fairly extensive arsenal of strategies for creating a good rapport with a child. This girl was a tough nut to crack, though. Sadly,
beligerant is the first word that comes to mind, were I playing word association with her name.
Surly is another. With the other children she was bossy, rude and ill-tempered. She would lash out like an animal when she didn't get her way, scratching and screaming.
Oh, and she cussed like a sailor!
One on one we had some pleasant moments, but they were woefully few and far between. Even when we were doing exactly what she wanted, she tried to extract an extra portion of my attention by inventing phantom pains and ailments. God forbid I would reassure her that she was fine and try to refocus her attention on the activity at hand. When the world did not come to a screeching halt when she announced that her finger hurt, there was hell to pay! Recognizing this ploy as a cry for attention, I knew that playing into it would not benefit her. She needed to learn to get positive attention for demonstrating appropriate behavior. My inner dialog referred to her as our little terrorist...punishing us with her vitriolic venom if we fail to meet her demands!
Of course I discussed her "attitude" with her mother." Apparently she behaved the same at home as at daycare, but her mother considered it more normal than I did. I tried to impress on her mother how important it was to nip this attitude in the bud, and, although she seemed to agree with me, the child never showed improvement. Every Monday morning we were back at square one. In the time away from my consistency of expectations and enforcement thereof, she would revert back to the "wild child." One of the disheartening parts of my job is that I have a fairly limited knowledge of a child's
real home life. I can merely express concerns, without any idea if they are taken to heart by the parents, or if they even care about my opinion. I don't think she was being mistreated at home, but obviously this particular child required more supervision than she was receiving when not in my care.
By and by she went off to preschool and didn't need to come to daycare anymore. I remember hoping that she would bond with her teacher more deeply than we were able to bond. Shortly after they left my daycare, the mom sent me a very nice thank-you card, expressing how grateful she was to me for being her daughter's "
second 
mother!" About a month after she began preschool, the mother called to say how much the child missed me and her daycare "friends!" She said that her daughter asked to go to Gina's every day instead of preschool!
Wow...this all came as a complete surprise to me...I really thought the mother didn't appreciate the level of care I was giving her daughter, and I thoroughly believed this little girl hated me with every fiber of her being! Ultimately, I found out that not only did the mother value our relationship, but the little one was actually missing me in her life!
I think the moral of the story is that we never really know the impact we are having as we trudge through our everyday lives. Someone may be appreciating us more than we know...it just may not be apparent at this moment. So keep on doing your best, and know that somewhere, someone is grateful for your effort and even if you think you're not making an impression, you probably are. Knowing how exhilarating it is to hear that I am appreciated, I vow to remember to be forthcoming with praise for those I appreciate.
I suppose the alternate title to this piece could have been
Life Lessons I Learned From A Tempestuous Toddler...
It's amazing how far a "thank-you" can go, isn't it?
A little appreciation makes it worth getting up in the morning!